ALL THAT NOISE!

Ok, are we are all a bit tired of the incessant buzzing of bees at the World Cup Soccer in South Africa yet, or is it just me? It amazes me that the French have managed to filter out the noise, yet we have to put up with it to the point when we can hardly hear the commentary. The guy who invented the bloody things is no doubt sunning himself and his millions in French Polynesia watching the games from his hammock strung between two palms, with the huge flat screen TV shaded under a thatched gazebo with beautiful filtered French sound coming from the speakers. Not a hint of a Vavazoom, Venezuela, or whatever the dreadful things are called. They will make great souvenirs for the people who have flown all that way, but what worries me is that they will now appear here, at every game and match of whatever creed and the killer bees will invade. Lord help us!

So, it is part of the culture of the land where the games are being held is it? Well good. Keep it to your selves I say.

This year we have had the Olympics in Whistler, the US Open Golf, the View on TV, and any amount of sporting events that we all just MUST watch. Wimbledon Tennis! Christ! Why we have to listen with these people grunting and shrieking every time they hit the ball is beyond me. It must surely put off the receiver, but then maybe that’s the point. It is supposed to be a sport, but nowadays if you don’t cheat, you lose, is that it? I watched Nadal play today and he was constantly looking at his coach in the stands who was blatantly giving advice with various signals. This is strictly not allowed. And does Nadal really need to cheat? He even feigned a strain so that the doctor could come out and give him a massage while he rested and the poor opponent was put off his game that he was actually winning. He lost in the end of course and Nadal’s miraculous recovery was evident to the point of ridicule.

Then we have to listen to these complete numbskulls at golf tournaments shouting at the top of their voices “GET IN THE HOLE” as soon as the ball is struck. Is this really going to make a difference? By shouting, is the little ball going to perk up its ears and swerve in the air and plop down into the cup, just because it is told to? No, it’s the mind of a pea that wants his 15 nanoseconds of fame (I do not hear women shouting) by irritating the whole world. Women on the other hand have their own way of annoying us. Take the “View”. It is not something I watch, but it comes on after Regis and Kelly in the mornings and invariably I have forgotten to turn the set off when I got up. These women make more noise that a whole football stadium of fans at a soccer match put together. They all talk over one another so that none of us can hear what any of them are saying, even if we wanted to, and I personally do not. Are we so short of programming that we need this sort of rubbish by opinionated so called ‘stars’?

Elizabeth Hasslebeck stridently screams her way through an hour of the “View” every day

And as for Rosie..!

And finally, at least until I think of something else, and I most assuredly will - audiences. Why is it necessary to scream and whistle rather than simply politely applaud? I went to a show the other day and a women beside me shrieked so loudly that I nearly jumped out of my skin! I was searching in vain for some paddles to revive my heart that had got stuck in my throat. Hooping and hollering and whistling and screaming seem to be the in thing. How come we have managed to do without it for centuries up to now? Who started it? Were they shot? Have they been hunted down and strung up from the nearest tree? Or are they still alive thinking up other schemes to get on our raw nerves? Come on people, let’s pull ourselves together and behave like human being and not monkeys.